The Dogwood Forest

Have you ever wondered where Christmas puppies come from?
I'm not talking about the little canines that keep up mom and dad up all night Christmas Eve as they try to keep the little puppies quiet. I'm talking about the little puppies that miraculously appear under the Christmas tree on Christmas morning to everyone's surprise.
Well, I'm sure that you have heard of dogwood trees - those beautiful flowering trees that are one of the first signs of spring. No, I'm not saying that those trees grown in the United States can produce puppies. But put them in a different climate with a little unique nurturing and caring,and they can produce puppies.
It seems that hundreds of years ago, Santa flew down to the States with a scaled-down team of reindeer - only Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen - during the spring to see just what he was missing. He discovered the beautiful dogwood trees and decided to take a few back to the North Pole to remind him that spring follows winter, which means it is just three seasons away from Christmas.
Once they were planted, they just didn't seem to do well. Santa turned to his gardening elf - Green Thumb (what did you expect, Brown Dirt?) - and asked him to care for the trees and nourish them back to health.
Knowing that they needed food, and reindeer fertilizer was just a little too strong, he decided to bury a chunk of extra dark chocolate from the Milk Chocolate mine in the root systems of each of the trees. He also used just a bit of lemonade from the lemonade springs to give the trees additional life.
Well, lo and behold, the trees grew into much larger trees that the varieties we have in the States. They were as big as maples and the blossoms were as big as Comet's left front hoof. In other words, they were huge.
But then, the strangest and most remarkable thing happened. About two weeks after the blossoms appeared, they began to turn into tiny, living, breathing puppies. The four petals became the four paws and the center eventually became the nose. And even more remarkable than that is that the white blossoms produced boy puppies and the pink blossoms produced girl puppies. Makes sense doesn't it.
When Green Thumb discovered this phenomenon, he ran to Santa claiming the dogwood trees were blooming puppies. Thinking his elf had been drinking too much fermented lemonade, he went along with Green Thumb just to amuse him. But when he saw the little puppies hanging from the branches by their tails, Santa began to laugh so loud that Joe Blo and Mac heard him from the inner chambers of the Milk Chocolate Mine.
For the first time, Santa could deliver a "live toy" to the good boys and girls. Green Thumb merely clips the puppies from the trees on Christmas Eve so they can be delivered that night.
No wonder Santa needs to eat cookies at all the houses. The puppies eat up all the ones baked by Mrs. Claus for Santa's trip.
Puppies from Dogwood Trees at the North Pole. What's next? Kittens from Catnip plants?

Can reindeer really fly?

Of the hundreds of questions children have about Santa Claus, "Can reindeer really fly?" could be one of the most frequently asked.
Santa could have chosen many different ways to deliver the toys - airplane (but it wasn't invented yet), horse-drawn sleigh (but all the oceans would have to be frozen for that to happen); hot-air balloon (but you can never count on the air currents). In fact, delivering the toys by sleigh pulled by eight flying reindeer hadn't even occurred to Santa or the elves until one of the most important days in the history of the North Pole.
Right down the middle of Christmas Village at the North Pole runs the Lemonade Springs. Yes, you heard me right. Lemonade Springs. For quite a while, Santa and the elves didn't know of its magical qualities until Dasher, who by the way is the ornery reindeer of the bunch, happen to drink from the springs.
The elves witnessed something that they had never seen before. Dasher began to quiver and shake and all of a sudden he took off running, jumped high in the air and continued to go up. After hitting six chimneys, four roofs and breaking nine windows, he finally figured out how to turn and how to fly higher and zoom down over the elves causing them to hide behind the snowmen.
Santa heard the commotion from the elves and ran out of the kitchen where he was sampling a new chocolate chip cookie recipe Mrs. Claus was working on. With chocolate dripping from his chin, he couldn't believe his eyes. He then saw Dancer drink from the springs and up he went. Not to be outdone, the rest of the reindeer- Comet, Blitzen, Vixen, Donner, Prancer and Cupid - run over to the springs, lapped up the delicious liquid, and before you knew it, the sky was filled with reindeer.
It was then that Santa came up with the idea of using the reindeer to deliver the toys. There was just one problem. No one knew just how long the effects would last. After all, it would be a shame for Santa to crash land in the Amazon rain forest because there was no more flight left in the reindeer. So Santa instructed held reindeer elf Furball to conduct a series of tests to determine the longevity of the magical qualities of the Lemonade Springs.
He came up with the right amount lemonade that would be fed to the reindeer that would last the entire trip.
There has been only one mishap. In 1968 when Apollo 8 was orbiting the moon on Christmas Eve, the reindeer got loose and drank too much lemonade. Well you can guess what happened. Santa and the reindeer flew right out of the atmosphere and orbited the moon. One of the astronauts exclaimed, “Houston, this is Apollo 8. Please be advised there is a Santa Claus.” So ever since, the reindeer are kept in quarantine two weeks before the big trip.
So the answer to the question, "Can reindeer really fly?" is a resounding "Yes," as long as they drink from the Lemonade Springs that flow down the center of North Pole Village.

Santa and Mrs. Claus

Most fathers have two pat answers to questions that they can't answer:"I don't know" and "Ask your mother."
But my Great-Uncle Ralph had an answer for everything, especially about Santa Claus, except one. He never could come up with an answer to the question that has been on children's minds for hundreds of years: Where did Santa Claus come from?
My uncle's answer always was "Well, Buzzy, that is quite a question. The answer is that he always has been," and then he would change the subject.
Now, to a 6-year-old, "always has been" just doesn't cut it. There are too many unanswered questions. But more importantly, a youngster's finite mind cannot comprehend "always has been." There has to be a beginning and an end.
There has been several theories, stories and legends about the origin of Santa Claus. My favorite and the one that makes most sense is that hundreds of years ago, Santa and Mrs. Claus were known throughout a village near the North Pole of being generous givers and lovers of children. Not able to have children of their own, they basically adopted all the children of the village and made special gifts for them at Christmas.
One Christmas Eve, they got caught in a blinding blizzard and their sleigh ended up way beyond the outskirts of the village. The townspeople searched and searched the next day, but never could find their beloved Santa and Mrs. Claus.
That fateful night, Santa and Mrs. Claus wandered all the way to the North Pole. Stranded and believed they would die, the couple cuddled up together one last time. All of a sudden, elves appeared and rescued them and took them to a place that only exists in imagination. The elves told Santa and Mrs. Claus they were waiting for them, to fulfill a prophecy they had hung on to for hundreds of years. The prophecy merely stated that a childless couple who loved children, would be a deliverer of toys throughout the world.
Exactly how long ago this occurred, no one knows. But the legacy of Santa Claus exists to this day. And his wife, oh the glorious Mrs. Claus, became the mother of all the elves. And for the first time, you will know the first name of the wife of Santa Claus. There have been several attempts to guess her name but up to know, all guesses have not been accurate. The real first name is Merry. Yes, Merry as in Merry Christmas.
And now, you know, the rest of the story.

The Milk Chocolate Mine

Not to be outdone in the imagination department, my Great-Uncle Ralph tried to come up with aspects of Santa Claus, the elves, the reindeer and the North Pole that were a little bit out of the ordinary. Anyone can come up with the traditional stories of Santa Claus and the elves, but to come up with tales of a milk chocolate mine has to take either a mind of a genius, or an out-of-this-world imagination - or both.
The Milk Chocolate Mine is a one-of-a-kind phenomenon and can be found only at the North Pole - if you are looking for it. Not too many people do, thus the obscure nature of it.
The mine is an endless cave of as many chocolate delights that you can think of. Anything ranging from milk chocolate, to dark chocolate, to rocky road, semi-sweet, white chocolate, peppermint chocolate and even plaid chocolate for the children in Scotland.
No one knows how far back or deep the mine goes because the elves keep discovering chambers after chambers.
The mine is maintained by the two oldest elves at the North Pole - Joe Blo and Mac. They have run the mine so long that Santa has often entertained the idea of changing the mine's name to Joe Blo and Mac's Mine. But the elves keep vetoing the suggestion saying it has always been the Milk Chocolate Mine and it should always be known as that. After all, tradition is tradition.
There has been one mishap at the mine that lead to Mrs. Claus needing to intervene.
As you can guess, one day there was a cave-in, trapping Joe Blo and Mac deep in the peanut butter chocolate chamber. Luckily, Right Turn Tom and Comet were in the mine ready to carry a load out when the cave-in occurred. Right Turn Tom sent Comet to get more help and he came back with Santa, other elves and some of the other reindeer. The question was just how to remove the chocolate. Well, you guessed it, the best way was to eat their way to the trapped elves.
It was a sight to behold. Santa, the elves and the reindeer on their knees eating mounds and mounds of chocolate. Their faces smeared with the edible delight, chocolate was under their fingernails and even under their toenails as they resorted to digging with their feet when their hands got sore. It took three days for the group to get to Joe Blo and Mac who were doing the same thing. Well, the result was a bunch of fat and over-sugared elves and reindeer. Needless to say, the reindeer were in no shape to fly and Santa couldn't fit in his suit of red. And the elves were so bloated that they all resembled miniature Santa Clauses.
So Mrs. Claus put the entire bunch on a strict diet. No more cookies, no more candy canes, and most of all, no more hot chocolate. Just a bunch of celery and carrots - and those are hard to find at the North Pole.
It was tough, but thanks to Mrs. Claus, the reindeer got into flying shape, the elves got back to their original shapes and Santa Claus lost just enough weight to maintain his jolliness. Christmas was just the same as it always was.
I'm sure you can guess what the chocolate is used for from the mine - for the stockings. The chocolate is mined, sent to the shaping and wrapping department where they are molded into little Santas, elves and reindeer and wrapped with colorful foil by Speed On Ahead and Keep Off The Grass.
So the next time you bite the head off of a Chocolate Santa, remember that it was Joe Blo and Mac who mined that chocolate so you can have a big dentist bill.

The Elves: The backbone of the North Pole

Nothing gave my Great-Uncle Ralph more pleasure in his Santa Claus story telling than talking about the elves. I believe that on his business trips he would drive down the road thinking about names of the elves that he could incorporate into his beloved stories.
Thus, names like Left Turn Tom, Right Turn Charlie, Speed on Ahead and Keep off the Grass were born. You have to admit they are original names. Of course I'm sure there were elves like Patch, Spirit, Muffin, Twinkle and Dimples. But those names seemed a bit too fairy taleish. My uncle was inventive and didn't want to be outdone. No where have I seen elves' names like my uncle came up with.
I think his all-time favorite, though, was Saddle Soap Sadie. Her main function as an elf was to spy on the children and adults of the world to determine if they were "naughty or nice." Now Saddle Soap Sadie wasn't exactly mean, but at the same time, she took her job very seriously. If she saw a naughty act, she would report it. Many times, the three of us would be acting up and all Uncle Ralph had to do was say, "Is that Saddle Soap Sadie around the corner?" Instant reform.
But my three favorite elves were always Joe Blo, Mac and Pee Wee. Joe Blo and Mac were the hardest working and oldest elves at the North Pole. They rarely saw the light of day because their function was to work the world-famous Milk Chocolate Mine. You have never heard of the Milk Chocolate Mine? Where do you think the chocolate candy for the stockings came from? You think it just magically appeared? I will spend an entire article talking about the famous mine later.
Pee Wee may be small in stature, but he is a giant among the elves. He is Santa's right-hand elf, the master of all elves and the elf that keeps the North Pole operation going year-round. Pee Wee also is the only elf ever to go with Santa on his Christmas Eve. Who else is going to keep the list of who gets what in which country?
And since imagination plays a huge part in Christmas, it doesn't really matter what the elves wear, does it? But in my mind, they of course wear colorful red and greed outfits with striped pointed hats. They always have rosy cheeks - just like Santa - and have Christmas on their minds 24/7.
The elves are very underrated and misunderstood. Just suffice it to say that without the dedication and the loyalty of the elves, Christmas would be dismal. The Spirit of Christmas evolves from Santa to the elves. Think of the happiest place on earth and there will be the elves - the true spirit of Christmas.

Why the North Pole?

Have you ever wondered why Santa chose to live in the sub-zero temperatures and barren landscape of the North Pole? It really doesn't sound like the ideal living conditions to me. I like a little bit of cold weather mixed in with the warm, but 365 days of white, white, white and more white doesn't sound like it would be too good on the old thinking process.
There have been many explanations to why Santa chose the North Pole as his primary living and industrial headquarters.
1. The price was right. After all, who else would want to locate on top of the world.
2. Location, Location, Location. At the North Pole, Santa and the elves are standing upright year round. At the South Pole, wouldn't they be standing upside down? Just a thought.
3. Easier for travel. For his Christmas Eve excursion, Santa can fly DOWN to all the countries, rather than fly up. Downhill is a lot easier than uphill.
4. It is the home of two magical wonders of nature that without them, there would be no Christmas - the little-known Lemonade Springs and the famous Milk Chocolate Mine. But more about those later. Just suffice it to say that without those magical wonders, Christmas as we know it just would not be.
5. The climate. Why do you think Santa dresses from head to toe in fur? He can't tolerate the cold as well as his elves can. But because of his heart of compassion, he braves the frigid climate because of his elves. There is something about the metabolism of the elves that attracts them to the colder climates. They work better, they behave better and they constantly stay in a Christmas Spirit.
6. Which brings us to the most important reason. Most people associate Christmas with the winter months. While many countries have never experienced cold winter weather, many more are bundling up, having snowball fights and making snowmen in December. For Santa and the elves to keep their focus on the wintry climate of Christmas, the Jolly Old Elf decided to move his operations to a climate where it is "Christmas year round." He doesn't have to constantly get the elves in a "Christmas mood" or make toys in Bermuda shorts. That just wouldn't be right.
In the magical land of the North Pole, it has to be Christmas 365 days a year. Santa and the Elves never get "out of the Christmas Spirit." It is not their nature to forget about Christmas for even one day. The winter climate of the North Pole provides the proper setting for Christmas toy making, Christmas cookie baking and Christmas Spirit.
For Santa, Christmas is not just a one-day event. It is a life-altering phenomenon that is a way of life rather than a day on a calendar.
Thus, the North Pole is the ONLY place where Santa could reside. Don't you agree?

Everyone deserves an Uncle Ralph

Before I get into the nitty-gritty details of the wonderful world of Santa Claus, I thought a few words about my Great-Uncle Ralph would be in order, since he is the creator and the inspiration of these stories.
As I mentioned before, he was born in 1905 in Jasper, Mo., the baby of eight children born to George and Clara Masters. He married once, but that lasted just about a year. His sister, Ethel - whom we called Sister Bob because her brother could not say Ethel so he renamed her Sister Bob - took him under her wing. They lived for a while in Los Angeles and my father spent a year with them before being drafted into the Army in 1944.
They eventually settled in Joplin living in the Royal Heights area. He was a traveling salesman for the American Tank company, which manufactured water towers for cities and counties. He and my aunt took care of each other. Sister Bob retired as a principal from Jefferson Elementary School in Joplin, which at that time, she was the last woman principal in the Joplin School District. Ralph always thought it was his duty to take care of his sister since she guided and directed him during his "floundering" years.
Not having children of their own, he were overjoyed when their nephew, Bill (my father), married and had three children - John, Buzz and Cheryl. They took us under their wings and became the loving grandparents we never had. Family gatherings were always held at their house where we often had as many as 30 for holiday gatherings. It was a time of celebration and joy. It was basically heaven on earth for a little 5-year-old boy.
My Uncle Ralph became larger than life. I revered him, I idolized him and loved him. In my eyes, he basically could do no wrong. Oh, I know now that he had some misgivings in his life and I am so glad I didn't know about them then. But even now, those misgivings don't taint the Uncle Ralph that I knew and loved.
Saturday nights were reserved for Uncle Ralph and Sister Bob. They often came over to Neosho and spent as much time with us as possible. We played games, ate dinner and went to get ice cream. But most of all, we heard stories. Stories of his childhood, stories of his travels across the country and stories of Santa Claus and the North Pole. It didn't have to be winter to hear those wonderful and inventive stories. We were always anxious and ready to hear his collaborations of Santa Claus, the North Pole, the reindeer, the elves, and of course, our very favorite, the Lollypazink. But more about him later.
About a year before he died in 1971, I wrote an essay about my beloved uncle for an English class taught by Gary Sims. I remembered reading it to Uncle Ralph and seeing tears well up in his eyes when I read the final sentence: "Everyone deserves an Uncle Ralph."
I believed that then and I believe that now. I just hope and pray that I have just a little bit of Uncle Ralph in me for my two future grandsons - Adian Ryan and Noah Parker.